


Stages of grief (Kakashi Hatake X Reader)

by KittyBiscuit



Category: Naruto
Genre: Awkward Kissing, F/M, Fluff, Heavy Angst, Light Angst, Love Confessions, Mutual Pining, Pining, Slice of Life, nope it's heavy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-20
Updated: 2018-07-20
Packaged: 2019-06-13 16:09:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 16,406
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15368292
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KittyBiscuit/pseuds/KittyBiscuit
Summary: Kakashi Hatake, A.K.A Hound finds a small abandoned infant in the harshest storms that Mother Nature has to offer, no less on a night after a mission and assassination gone wrong.The silver haired Ninja never had to deal with complicated emotions, but looking and raising Y/N, is like a mission all on its’ own. Not to mention her mothers ghost, haunting his nightmares.Luckily, Y/n is there to chase away all the heavy regrets, and bring in a whole lot of complicated feelings mixed in along the way.But surely he doesn’t like her like that, right?…right?!?Maybe the silver haired ninja has some major miscalculations in his plan of being an emotionless machine…





	Stages of grief (Kakashi Hatake X Reader)

The flames flicker and flare. You smiled, snuggling closer into the warmth of silk sheets. The rain pours and keeps pouring. Buckets of water crashing against the surface of your windowsill; It’s something close to sweet music. “Nothing ever seems to change….” You whisper, your breath a small visible white fog. It’s just over midnight, and yet, the world seems to be so silent, quiet.

“I’m always waiting…”

The shadows across the walls splay over and across the velvet wall coverings. It’s like magic. You close your eyes, taking in a slow, deep breath. The smokes sent lingers, burnt wood, pinewood. You inhale deeper, chasing the lingering aroma.

It’s comforting.  
There’s nothing else truly, just empty paintings, lifelessly dangling from the crippling walls, their frames bridled, useless. It’s not the same, nothing like the times before. There is a dozen details, sprinkled throughout the surface, every hidden corner, but that isn’t important, isn’t even interesting. Nothing matters, nothing. The walls begin to slowly shrivel, shrivel into a million little particles. The surface of everything fades, flickers, alike the flames slowly dying out from the freezing temperature.  
It’s cold, strange. Suddenly, the fire is gone, and so is its warmth.  
“Lights out.” You whisper, holding out your left hand, smiling. Pointing towards the crumbling open skies, the rain pours over your cheek bones.  
The burning flames flicker out, the remains of burning coldness of wind burns against your salted tears.  
“Bang.” You blow out the remaining candles, and its’ silent.

_~Before~ 17 years ago_

Life started out warm. That’s what you remember, the comforting heat, a type of warmth only given off from her.

From Mother.

Mother was warm, her hands comforting. She was all you wanted truly. Nothing felt better than her comforting touch, her soothing warmth. She held you close, her voice a withered whisper. She’s tucking you closer, impossibly closer.  
“Hush now, its okay, mommy is here…” There were sounds, loud, terrifying noises. You remember them. The noises were looming over you, consuming you. Like unwanted itches, the voices were scraping your backside, and it felt like agony. You were crying.  
Why were you crying?  
Mother just held you closer, until, her soothing voices stopped. The world went blank. You let out a soft whine, as everything went dark. You don’t remember what happened after that, you just recall feeling very, very cold.

So cold, so alone.

The surface felt damp, but softly so. It was like being wrapped in a cold pillow of water, yet the water never flowed over, yet remained still and seeping into your body. (When you’re older, you snort at the way you alienated winters’ snow. But you were so young, so how could you possibly know?) Then, after what seemed like hours, days, years, there was another sound. You stopped crying, curious.

_Crunch_

_Crunch_

_…Crunch_

  
It sounded soft, something heavy hitting the surface, getting louder and impossibly louder. It wasn’t scary, you weren’t afraid, oddly enough.  
Something about the noise, wasn’t frightening at all, rather, you felt relieved. You couldn’t open your eyes, but you could feel something, something getting closer, heat. Then, the crunching came to a halt. A voice whispered, making you twitch in surprise

“Oh my….”

You let out a small wail, telling whoever that they startled you, and shouldn’t be so sneaky. “a...it’s a child…” The voice sounded so close, and you saw a lingering shadow underneath your closed eyelids.

_Strange._ “Hey, h-hey there, little one…” The voice was deep, deeper than mom.

It frightened you, so you begin to cry, scared and slightly confused.

The shadow steps away, also startled, and there’s a small yelp, and thump, like the person fell or tripped over themselves in their haste to move away from you. You giggle, and slowly, carefully, flutter your eyes open into small slits. It takes some time, and the burning light is almost blinding, but once your sensitive eyes adjust- It’s overwhelming. There is so much to take in, it’s stunning. White shadows, clouded by streaks of what could only be described as darkness. Along with the impossible blue that stretches over your head. It’s so beautiful. Your eyes widen, trying to take in more of your stunning surroundings. Then, you make eye contact, with a boy.  
He stares at you, his grey eyes so captivating, a dark shade like the shadows cast behind him. His silhouette short, sturdy, seemingly just as curious as you are.  
Along with his hair (which blends in with the white surrounding) his skin seems almost translucent, mysterious. He moves closer, slowly. His eyes are still locked firmly with yours, and his face is really pretty. You reach your tiny hands out, chubby fingers wiggling.

“ _Pretty_!”

You giggle, squirming against the snow. The boy stops moving, and gives you a look of confusion. “Well…” He whispers, tilting his head in curiosity, eyeing you, “Nobody has called me that…” You only giggle more, trying to sit upright.

“ _Pretty pretty_!” You playfully murmur, holding out your hands.  
The boy doesn’t say anything, but manages to move passed his surprise, and his heat makes you purr. “It’s going to be okay…I got you…” He whispers, kneeling down, and stretching out his arms. His hands aren’t too big, but soft none the less. The careful stranger lifts you up slowly, like you were made of the most precious and breakable porcelain. He looks at you carefully, his grey orbs taking in every detail on your face. Something feels strange, in the pit of your stomach.  
“M-mamma?” You ask, tilting your head, and the boys eyes grow impossibly and comically wide.

He sputters, shaking his head swiftly. “No,” He says forcefully, his pale cheeks flushing. It’s funny, you giggle. You tilt your head more, smiling mischievously,

“Pretty…” You murmur, feeling slightly drowsy, it’s been a long day.

Your eyes soon feel heavy, and slowly, you begin to fall asleep, snuggling into the comforting warmth. You look into the boys eyes once more, not loosing eye contact, as you slowly drift off into dreamland. He smiles, and you feel his arms wrapping more protectively around you.  
“I could say the same to you…” He whispers back, his smile never fading. It’s warmth when you fall asleep. “I’ll protect you…I _promise._ ”

The years roll by after that.

 

_~A few Years Later~_

 

“ ** _Y/nnnnnnnnnnnn!!!!_** ” You flinch, but a bubble of laughter rolls down your chest. You keep running, passing people along the way, managing not to bump into any of them. That by itself is truly impressive. Then, to take the cake, a man comes from seemingly out of thin dust, carrying with him a basket of green unripe apples. Damn. You crash right into the man, his basket of goods flinging out from his hands, dust flying everywhere.  
Some dust manages to slither into your eyes, making you hiss out in annoyance, it stings. Recovering quickly, you hear familiar footsteps rushing near, and you panic, getting up swiftly.  
Rushing out a swift “Sorry Sir!” You begin to scramble off.

“Dammit Y/N!” You hear his voice hiss, and a loud thump.

He fell…seemingly maybe tripped over a helping fruit, the fruit is on your side. You try not to get distracted by that thought. “Nice one, _reeeeaaalll_ funny….” Kakashi huffs, dust particles swirling around him. He sighs. His backside begins to ache, and really, he’s not young enough for this, yet old enough to not enjoy this much.

But Kakashi loves it. Y/n runs off, her giggles rippling over his body, and Kakashi tries not to grin too broadly. She’s growing swiftly, her naïve and mischievous side is quite annoying, but Kakashi finds it enduring, for some strange reason.  
He seems to enjoy her company too, which also comes at a great surprise. The man, who was carrying the fruit, babbles about brats and their ignorance for good fruit gifted by nature.  
“Sorry ‘bout that.” Kakashi apologizes, getting up swiftly, and making his hasty retreat, ignoring the protests of the elder man.

He too, is naïve and quite frankly, a brat.

Kakashi chases after Y/n, and soon, catches up to her easily.  
“Got you!” He blurts, jumping towards the girl.

She yelps, twisting way from him swiftly. “No!” She squeaks, turning around and facing him with wide, surprised eyes. Kakashi doesn’t suspect her to just _stand_ there frozen, and he miscalculated-

He rams right into her, knocking her over into a clumsy tumble.  
He lands across her chest, pushing her with such blunt force they tumble in a mess of limbs and confusion. “ ** _Oomf_**!-“  
They fall into the lake, laughing and smiling. The water is freezing, and it’s a shock to Kakashi’s system. He groans, shutting his eyes and concentrating on how not to react.  
It’s not the cold that stunts his senses. Her body is close, so close, pressed right against his heaving chest.  
She’s soaked, her clothes sticking to her skin, so is his. Kakashi flushes, feeling her body pressed against his.

_Stop- Now- **Stop now**_ -

“Are, are you okay? Kakashi?” Her confused voice rings over his own, and Kakashi snaps his eyes open, and quickly re-collects himself.

The pre-ninja scrambles off her quickly, as if burned.

He flushes harder, looking away. They are both soaked, yet he’s not that annoyed, so he lets a faint smile slip from his lips. “Yeah…” He looks towards her, taking in her tussled hair and wild smile.

She looks pretty.

“Fine.” He says, and proceeds to get up, water falling down his legs and lap. Y/n snorts, shaking her head, one strand falling across her face. Kakashi resists folding the rebellious strand back behind her ear. He instead holds out his hand, offering her his help. She rolls her (colored) orbs, and proceeds to get up without his help.  
Once she’s risen, water droplets fall across her frame, a small distraction. Then, she smirks evilly.

“Kakashi…”

Kakashi looks up, slowly taking in her smile. He tilts his head, smirking slightly.“Yeah?” He breathes out. Y/n only stays silent, for a moment. Then, she proceeds to push Kakashi, back into the freezing, cold water. She laughs, as he falls into the water with a big splash. “You’re still it!” Then, in a flash of white, she’s gone. But her scent still lingers; Lavender and spring blossoms.

Kakashi smiles secretly, looking down into his soaking lap. “Y/n…” He chuckles, getting up once more.  
Later on the same day, he meets her at the Ramen shop, looking flushed yet happy. Her eyes sparkle once she spots him in the crowd, and she enters the Ramen shop, knowing he would follow. He always does.  
Once he enters the rich smelling restaurant, he spots her almost instantly. She’s sitting in the stop they usually frequent. It’s in the corner of the shop, a seclude spot only made for the two of them.  
Kakashi tries not to look too deeply into that. Her eyes soften when she spots him, and she subconsciously fiddles with her fingers.

“Hey…” She whispers sweetly, looking down almost shyly. Kakashi arrives, taking the seat from across her, smiling warmly. “Hey,” He speaks back.                                          “See you won this time…so I’ll pay.” He says, and Y/n looks up quickly, surprised. Before she can say anything, Kakashi holds up his hand, stopping her, “Ah,” He begins, smirking broadly, “We did make a deal.” Y/n rolls her eyes, leaning back into the ancient wooden chair, folding her arms, but underneath that, Kakashi knows she secretly likes being treated.  
It’s nice, treating her, Kakashi would spoil her every day if he could. But- “So, it was only because you’re getting old~” She teases, and proceeds to look down at a menu paper, missing the way Kakashi frowns at that.  
For some reason, the comment left a hollow feeling inside his stomach. He ignores it, and copies her movements, looking down at the ramen menu, but secretly sneaking glances down at her.

She’s the most beautiful like this, underneath the pale moonlight.

And, she looks young too.

Kakashi stops, and just tries to push down these feelings, it doesn’t matter. Y/n sneaks a glance at the Ninja, and she secretly smiles, seeing how the male pinches his face cutely in concentration, looking down at the menu with only one eye. And it’s not even his good one. Once the waiter comes, it’s the same song.  
“Two bowls of your famous eggplant soup,” Y/n orders, smiling sweetly.  
“Please.” She adds, looking at how the male waiter seems to flush. “Right, coming right up.” He sputters, walking away, his steps hesitant. “Is…is that all?” He lingers on her, his eyes traveling down. Kakashi feels something spark inside his heart. “Yes, that would be all, thank you very much.” He all but growls out, glaring at the male, sizing him up. The waiter freezes, looking at and across right into Kakashi’s death glare, and proceeds to pale. Kakashi finds delight in this. Y/n rolls her eyes when the waiter retreats with his tale between his legs.  
“Cheeky.” She states playfully. Kakashi grins, and leans his elbows on the wooden table, not breaking eye contact.

“Oh _dearest_ , you have no idea.”

They both giggle, exchanging glances, both their eyes showing deeper meaning to those of outside perspectives. The night carries on, they order desert, and leave the restaurant once its doors begin to close.  
They walk in comfortable silence, letting the night air wash over them. The moon glows beautiful in the dark grey sky, lighting up the night along with the help of its sister stars. It’s comforting, it’s safe, and Kakashi believes, it’s something close to paradise.  
Y/n leans close, and Kakashi thinks, yes, it might as well be.  
They enter the apartment shivering, swiftly getting cozy in over-sized and comfy clothing.  
While Kakashi shrugs on his snug sleep-wear, he can’t stop thinking. He catches his reflection in the bathroom mirror, and without a second thought, pulls his mask onto and over his face, feeling the urge to cover.  
She’s only five years older than him. Kakashi tells himself it’s not that bad. Y/n has beauty all over her, her smile, her features, her figure….she’s stunning, and every year she grows, she becomes more and more gorgeous.

Kakashi tries not to notice this, or pretends to not notice her, her beauty, but- Of course he does.  
How could he not? So, he ignores it.  
So, Kakashi just switches off the bathroom light, and walks into the dining room.  
He walks into the dining area, coughing to announce his presence.

Y/n looks up, smiling sweetly. She doesn’t say anything about his appearance, already familiar with his covering habits. Y/n’s anyway seen his face before, long time ago, but he still leaves his mask on, for his own benefit.

She’s already dressed in a nighty, looking soft and like an untouched gem.

He wants to kiss her, but he rejects the thought.

“Good night, Kashi.” Y/n murmurs, tucking into her velvet covers. She’s across the room, but her body seems miles away from his.

Kakashi looks up from his porn book, having took it out once he got into the covers himself.  
He smiles warmly. “Good night, Dearest.”  
Her nickname is harmless, he tells himself, and it means nothing.  
He finds his white lies hard to believe now, but still, he runs with it.  
Y/n says nothing about the nicknames, so its’ okay. She smiles too, so beautiful and soft riddled with sleep it blooms something inside the Ninja’s chest. He clenches his fists out of her sight, the pain distracting him.  
“Don’t stay up too late, _Baka_.” She teases, closing her eyes. Y/n then turns away from Kakashi, tucking into her bed comfortably.  
Kakashi shakes his head, chuckling. He then sets the orange book down on his counter top.  
“I’ll try…” He murmurs, watching her slowly rising and falling back, before he too, feels to soft pull of sleep. He turns away too, folding himself over the covers. Kakashi falls into a dark dream, filled with the lingering ghost of a mother, crying and screaming.

~

Later during the night, Kakashi hears sniffing.

He opens his eyes slowly, his body rising from slumber. His dream forgotten, Kakashi begins to finally awake more fully. He hears the pitter patter of rain against the windowsill, and the occasional rumble of thunder. Then, there’s a strike of lighting, quick and brief, lighting up the small apartment.  
Kakashi sees her, Y/n, crunched up by the corner, folded in on herself, her body trembling. Small sobs rake over her body, and Kakashi finally realizes why he woke up. His body aches then, wanting to comfort.  
“Y/n?” He whispers softly, getting up slowly.

Only sniffles answer.

“Y/n, come on, are you alright?” He murmurs getting up from his bed. Kakashi slowly moves towards the girl, trying not to frighten her. “Come on, it’s okay…” Kakashi finally crosses the room towards the trembling girl, and reaches down, putting his hand on her shaking shoulder. She doesn’t respond.  
“Y/n, come now, it’s okay, you’re okay.” He states, getting closer. Y/n stops shaking, slowly looking over towards him, her eyes filled with tears. She’s crying, scared, it breaks Kakahi’s heart.

“It’s okay Y/N,” He says warmly, holding out his arms,  
“I’m here-“ Before he could say anything else, Y/n lunges into his arms, sobbing softly. Kakashi is taken aback by her abrupt hug, but he accepts her embrace, and holds her tighter.  
Kakashi then begins rubbing soft circles over her back, hushing her sobs. They stay there for a while, holding each other.  
Until the rain stops, and Y/ns’ soft whimpers fade off, and she falls back asleep in Kakashi’s embrace.  
The silver haired male looks down longingly at the sleeping girl. A small strand of her hair sets over her face, and Kakashi doesn’t stop himself this time, and proceeds to brush the strand away with a caring touch.

“There we go…”

Kakashi watchers her features for a moment, taking in her peaceful features, and blink, snapping himself out of his staring. It’s creepy. Kakashi softly, carefully lifts the sleeping girl up into his arms, and walks the remaining distance towards his bed. He lays Y/n down gently, and tucks her in, taking one last lingering though, before settling in behind her, and scoops her up into his arms.

Consequences can wait till the morning.

Kakashi nuzzles his nose into the nape of her neck, inhaling softly. Her scent sends chills down his spine, so comforting and familiar. He could never grow bored of her fresh and homey aroma.

Pinewood. His new favorite scent.

He holds her tighter, and falls into a dreamless slumber.

They never spoke about it, but after some time, the two started sleeping in the same bed, a silent affair.

Innocent, yet so _wrong_.

///

Amongst the heavy yet soothing echoing of rain droplets dropping onto the rooftops and surfaces, all the usually busy roads seems silent. People carry with them umbrellas, or use any other objects as a substitute, seen as though it’s unpleasant to be soaked while freezing.  
Most of the day in Konoua had been filled with the presence of much needed rain, and the slightest hint as to when the buckets of water falling from above will end, is highly not due anytime soon.

Yet the rain seems to be calming, storms not so much been heavy at all.

Kakashi likes the rain _very_ much so. The famous copy-nin breathes in a ragged breath, the pleasant, well-known aroma of fresh liquid above making him smile secretly, the display of emotion hidden underneath the ash-grey mask.

He’s been resting his backside against a lone wall, for quite some time, the aching of his lower-spine informing him frequently. It’s a dull ache, so he ignores it.

Kakashi always keeps his mind away from his aching, in everything.  
As well as an ache he’d much vowed to forever hold inside, within his heart.  
It's like an itch, so deep that it can't possibly be scratched. Also it's like an ache of a broken, un-stitched heart.

Call the man terribly cliche, yet he’d much so been in hopelessly, unconditional love, with the one person he aren’t allowed to obtain, to have, to love, for many sleepless moons and depressing days. And with whom, is the root of the big tree of misfortune.

_Y/N._

Kakashi knows he’s in deep shit, the moment his heart leapted out of his sealed up chest, and towards the young, bright student. Lucky for her, she was accepted into the academy, and trained day into night.

Y/n decided, that she’d become a ninja, fight for her village, even if she’d never been born here.

Kakashi helped her train, as parental guardians would...does that make him her parental figure? The thought made Kakashi ponder.

_What is he to her exactly?_ He knows she calls him Kashi, and is that a nickname for someone’s significant other, or perhaps a name for a parental guardian. He just, _doesn’t know._

_“Y/N…”_  
The name slips passed masked lips, and Kakashi feels goose bumps arise over his forearms. As the clouds clear enough to bring forth the sun, Kakashi shrugs off from the wall, and begins his way towards the training ground.

He glances at the graves, giving his silent regards.

He reaches the training grounds soon enough 

Time passes slowly.

Kakashi has his signature book held against his nose, yet he’d lost interest at the books content a while ago. The Copy-Nin takes in the calming surroundings, and just waits.

He waits a while.

So much so that the sun begins to rise hire into the skies, the clouds vanishing completely. 

Soon, the object of his desires slips into his field of vision, and Kakashi feels the moment his heart starts to build up inside his chest, and his throat seems dry and scratchy, as though he hadn’t drank anything in years.

Y/n has grown, has obtained many new features, some so tempting, and none the less distracting. Her body has filled out nicely, with the equivalence of curves.

_Dammit_  Kakashi growls to himself in frustration.

_She is gorgeous._

Y/N looks to be unaware of the heavy stare she’s receiving, and instead, focuses on a pointless matter: keeping them from driving themselves and each other up towards the sealing with frustration and annoyance.

Yeah, she’s even part of his squad…how _nice_. He’s the captain, for nine tailed sake.

“ _Naruto!_ ” She shouts, her voice drifting towards his waiting stance.  
“For the fifth time, stop _talking_ so loudly.” The other young girl hums in agreement.                                                                                                                                   “Indeed, Naruto you should act more your age.”

“My _age_ ,” Naruto piped up, glaring at the gravel, “Is irrelevant to how I act.”

“That’s…surprisingly adult of you,” Sakura says surprised.

Naruto grins.

Sasuke just signs out miserably. Kakashi just chuckles knowingly, shaking his head in fondness towards the group.  
His eyes linger on Y/n’s beaming smile, wondering if she’d grin just as brightly if she was with him.

_Maybe even brighter._

Naruto has his expression open, showing something in those crystal-blues of his. He’s also watching her, and Kakashi feels his blood bowl, he tries stamping down the feeling, knowing its childish and unlikely Y/N would ever be interested in Naruto, she’s told Kakashi many times not to worry about her feelings towards the blonde. She said he sees her like a brother.

Kakashi doesn’t think he wants to know how she sees him.

Kakashi always adored her honesty,

_–pure, innocence-_

but that level would either break him, or give him a good reason. A good reason which would have a very bad consequence. “Don’t be so sure about yourself, baka.” Sasuke says in a flat tone, not even looking at the stunned blonde.

“You couldn’t even remember the first stance for the fighting position, _lame_.” 

Naruto growls, his expression showing anger and annoyance. He points a finger at the darker haired male, “You’re the lame one Sasuke!” He accuses. “One day I’ll become Hokage and you will eat your words!”

“Please.” Sasuke turns then to Naruto, growling, “I’d bet my entire Uchiha name that you’d not going to pass the exams this term.”

“Boys!” Y/n grits out, gripping both their ears and ignoring their pleas, “Stop being so snappy at each other.”

“Yeah,” Sakura pipes. She then spots her Sensei, and her face breaks into a cherish smile.

“Kakashi Sensei!”

Kakashi’s waves sheepishly. Y/n catches sight of him, and she too smiles shyly. The day follows through with training and laughter. Kakashi tried being overly strict, knowing the extra training would be to a good cause indeed. The new mission came not soon after, delivered by a breathless Jounin sweating through his jumper unpleasantly.

My nose twitches, the smell is unpleasing. “ _Hatake_ ,” The young male takes in a deep ragged breath. He holds out the envelope, his sweaty fingers creasing the paper. I smile with a closed eye, taking the letter from his sweaty grasp. I try and not make it look obvious as I wipe the sweat off my gloved finger.

 

“Thanks,” Kakashi says distractedly, already tearing at the delicate paper with cautious hands. Y/n looks over towards the two, tilting her head in curiosity. She smiles brightly and catches Kakashi’s glance, and the male huffs and goes back to opening the unusual scented letter. “The Hokage said you’d be needed for the job,” The breathless male says, glancing at a stretching Y/n. His eyes linger on her slender back, but he averts his gaze quickly, his attention back to the other male. Kakahsi tries not to glare at him.

He glares.

“I-Uh, um.” The male stutters, his cheeks flushing at being caught staring, at a young girl no less. Kakashi blinks, waiting. “I’ll be off then.” He says, looking back towards the girl. Kakashi glares harder, and sneaks his gaze to the stretching obvlivious girl.

He smirks.

“Oh Y/N,” He says offhandedly, smirking evilly underneath his mask. “Do me a favor, would you?” Y/n gets up from her position, and gives Kakashi a playful gaze, “Sure,” She agrees, eyes twinkling. The male tries to sink into his shoulders. “Be a doll and show this Jounin-“  
“ _Yoiki_.” The Jounin all but growls.  
Kakashi blinks, steadying himself and trying to show his annoyance, patience. “Well,” Kakashi smirks, “Show Yoiki here, how your stances work, he looks quite interested.” Y/n mirrors Kakashi’s smirk, and Kakashi feels the boy next to him tense up. “Oh no,” The boy babbles, shaking his head, “I was just-“ “Sure,” Y/n says sweetly, too sweetly.

Yoiki shrinks even more.

Kakashi tries not to smile. Y/n walks closer, a big smile on her beautiful face. She outstretches her hand, and grabs the boys shoulder. “Come on, She begins, dragging the boy along with her. “Im sure you’ll find the experience quite joyful.”

Sasuke glances towards the group, and without anyone else seeing, he snickers. Sakura cooed, hearing him. Sasuke glares at the girl, ignoring her. Naruto isn’t doing anything- he passed out from training long time ago.

Y/n smiles brightly at the boy, and all but takes a stand, demonstrating a stance.

He’s shaking, not knowing what he’s gotten himself into.

“Now,” Y/n smiles, gripping tightly enough for hid clothes to stretch tight over his lanky arms. “Ill show you the _Ashiharai._ ” The boy blinks.                                                    “And what might that be?” Y/n smirks. “Well, it literally translates to, _Japanese leg sweep takedown_.”                                                                                                              Kakashi just chuckles, turning around so his back is towards the group, as he tends back to the letter in his hands.

/

“When will you be back?” Y/n asks.

Her eyes are wide, pleading, as she sits there on the couch, leaning closer to the edge. Kakashi smiles tenderly, strapping up his gear over his thigh. The garnet clicks into place, and he fastens the strap tightly, but not so much it would hurt or cause discomfort.  
“Not until tonight. He replies, looking up at the girl.

Y/n smiles sadly, shaking her head.

“Boys,” She mutters, cuddling into the comfy setting. “I guess I can’t always keep you here.” Kakashi tilts his head, “What does that mean?” He moves closer towards the blushing girl. “The mission is easy, D rank. Won’t take long enough, Ill be back in time for our card game.”                                                                                                                     Y/n rolls her eyes, but in a tender fashion. She gets up then, dusting off imaginary dust.  
“Not like that, I mean.” She looks into his eyes with interest. She moves until she’s right by him, her nose almost touching his. Kakashi blinks, wielding his urge to move back a little.

Or to move forwards.

“I get worried, Kashi.” She says, her eyes showing so much emotion.                                                                                                                                                                      "I worry about you.” The male just gets more confused. “But I’ll be fine.” He assures her. He smiles warmly, tilting his head.  
“Fine and dandy, with no new or lasting injuries.”  
“I hope so; you know I hate patching you up, you’re such a softy.” Y/n mutters, moving away.  
“If you come back with so much as a scratch, Ill patch you up afterwards-” “That doesn’t sound like much of a threat,” Kakashi teases, moving closer. Y/n smirks. “With the wounds I’ll be inflicting.” Kakashi chuckles and Y/n does too. She then moves forwards, and Kakashi thinks oh gods she’s finally going to-

But she just wraps her hands around his shoulders, and brings him in for a big and affectionate hug.  
Kakashi blinks, but doesn’t hold her back, too shocked.

“Be careful,” She murmurs in the juncture of his neck, nuzzling affectionately. Kakashi finally moves, and wraps his hands around her body. He leans his forehead into the crook of her neck, and pecks the skin there gently.  
“I will,” Kakashi holds tighter, inhaling the girls sweet and enticing sent. “I _promise_.” Kakashi feels Y/n smile against his skin.

///

 

Kakashi’s legs were _aching._

He’d been walking for hours, it seems. The muscle in his leg started to pain maybe after he hit the halfway point in this mission. The mission, to his agony, is a mere go and retrieve, something hardly worth his time. But hey, now that his students are busy with their own lives, growing up and growing stronger, this little distraction is a blessing in disguise really.

The long lingering howling of the winter air and warm gaze of the afternoon sun, reminds Kakashi why he’s here, why he’s still alive.

  
The dirt between his fingernails is unpleasant, but it won’t be there too long, and Kakashi then might have a new excuse to get his nails pampered. Hey, just because he’s a brave and fearless ninja, doesn’t mean he can’t have his nails looked after. See? Kakashi pays attention to the details, he’s like that.  
“ _Senpaiii_ , how much longer?” Now, if only he was alone on this mission, then he’d be enjoying it. Kakashi does work better alone, but sadly, he was not granted that pleading wish. So now, here he is, trying to get his sanity back into order, while somebody literally is breathing down his back. He growls, scratching behind his neck.  
“The objective of this mission is to be silent, _Tenzo_.” He tries to not say the name with an annoyed tone. He’s tired and swore and hungry, the only reason he hasn’t snapped is beyond him.

Tenzo smiles.

“But **_Senpai_** , we’ve been walking-“  
“For _hours_ I know.” Kakashi interrupts, “I just thought about that, and no need to get your tree trunks in a twist, we’ll be arriving soon.”  
“Ah,” Tenzo begins, tilting his head slightly, reminding Kakashi of a curious and ugly yet adorable pup. “Where are we going, exactly?” Kakashi stops, twisting around to face the younger ninja, his eye behind its holding twitching. “The hidden mist country,” He states.  
“There, we have to go and retrieve the scroll of written peace.” After he’s done explaining, Tenzo seems to look a little more confused, “But, we passed that country a while back!” Kakashi feels his resolve crumble right there. He opens his mouth, and tries to let the words come out as slow and tender as possible, like he’s speaking to a child.

He might as well be.

“No, we haven’t, I know the way towards the boarders, I’m older and smarter and more capable of knowing if whether or not we were lost.”  
“Senpia-“                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    “Enough, we have to remain silent, enemies could strike at any given moment-“  
“ _Senpia!_ “ There’s a flash of lightning, and Kakashi feels a burning pain puncture through his chest, making him yell out in agony. His instincts push him to move, and he quickly takes cover, shielding himself from the ambush. “Get down!” He yells at Yamao, his eyes locked on his old friend. The other male doesn’t listen though, and he turns his back, charging towards what appears to be five, no, six rogue Anbu members.

Damm **_damm damm!_**

“ _Tenzo_!” He shouts, trying to move off the tree his body is slumped by, but the pain from his open wound is unbearable and leaves him whimpering.  
He slouches slowly across the bark, trying to master up the courage to go in and help Tenzo fight.  
But, as the blood drips down from his wound, a rather nasty and big mark across his chest. He’s lucky his stomach wasn’t punctured, but if he’s not quick enough, it might cause an infection, and Kakahsi thinks that’s even worse of a death. Struggling to stay awake, Kakashi hears clashes of weapons, and the occasional yelp of pain as the battle of one against six continues.

“T-Tenzo….” He mumbles, trying to find his footing, ultimately giving up and leaning heavily against a supporting tree, seemingly invisible.

The enemies must have thought he was dead. Hah, big mistake. I won’t give up, even when all I have left is my bare hands. Kakashi thinks, smirking lightly, feeling blood dribble down over his face on his left side. He twistches lightly, lifting up his hand, the other trying with difficulty to keep the blood from spilling from his open torso. It’s a lot of blood, but Kakashi can’t think about that right now, doesn’t want to think about that actually.

“Dammit!” The male signs frustrated.

He hears Tenzo cry, and Kakashi shoots his heavy gaze up, towards the fight, just in time to see one of the ninja come in for the kill, as the other ninja try and distract Yamato. With what little strength remains, Kakashi lifts himself off, yelling out in pain as he feels the wound tear even more over his stomach. Quickly, he lifts up the concealed fabric that holds his Sharingan, the red orb beginning to already capture its’ surroundings.  
 The area round his hand erupts in flashes of energy and light, creating a crest of beautiful blue flames. He aims towards the Ninjas, as he feels his body growing weaker.  
One strike, he’s got one chance, before he collapses.

“Please, work.” He mumbles, trying to keep his hand steady. More blood begins pooling around his ankles, but Kakashi ignores that. He ignores everything, other than saving his Conrad.

“Bastards,” Kakashi breathes out, finally releasing the justsu.

Tenzo hears the tale-tail sign of the flash of his Senpai’s lightening summoning, and is quick to move out the way, smirking lightly. He’s happy to know his Senpai is alright, and that the man refuses go down without a fight. He’s got a good spirit, along with great aim.  
“Now Senpai!” Then, taking a small, deep breath, Kakashi releases his lightning. Sparks flicker and blaze with the sounds of shooting energy. “L-Lightening blade!” He cries, aiming his jutsu towards the unsuspecting Ninja

After the explosion, all turns black.

/

A bolt of lighting flickers, along with a crashing of thunder. You jump, yelping out in surprise. The rain carries on, hitting harshly onto the roof. It’s not a pleasant rain, where the clouds don’t stir with booming sounds of thunder. Oh no, the rain is harsh, the lighting and thunder harsher. You cuddle into the fluffy pillows deeper, whimpering lightly. You hate these types of nights, the ones where the night is long and the temperature is below freezing. By now you have cuddles close to Kakashi, getting warm and cozy with the ninja. But you’re all alone, in his little empty apartment. Its lonely, its cold, and you miss him, so much it aches.  
“Kakashi…” You breathe out, holding your body in a sad embrace. “Come back soon.” A little time later, you wake up again, but not to the sound of thunder. Its distinctive.

A thump. A _solid_ and _loud_ thump.

It makes your heart weld up into your throat. You stiffen underneath the blankets. Your breaths become rushed, and you feel yourself begin to slowly panic. Not good. Not good at all. Someone’s here. You try and calm yourself down, and slowly, very slowly, you begin to turn slowly, towards the door. Once you begin looking towards the door, you check whether or not you have any weapon inside the room. A small pocket knife glints teasingly on the crooked cupboard tabletop. You smile secretly, loving the fact that no matter where he is, Kakashi manages to save your well-being, even if it’s mostly because the man is paranoid and keeps weapons scattered almost everywhere inside the apartment building.  
How sweet.  
Slowly, moving without much noise, you finally retrieve the weapon, holding it steadily in your grasp. Moving towards the closed door, you look down towards the crack, seeing the lights on. You stop in your tracks.

_Odd. Would an attacker be afraid of the dark?_

You stutter your movements, thinking this through.

_Maybe it’s a friend?_

No, couldn’t be.  
Nobody ever visited this late, and no doubt would knock before entering, it is Kakashi’s apartment, and the man has decorated most places with traps and snares. Nobody would be able to get inside without tripping the alarm.

_Unless, they knew how get around it._

You drop the weapon, realization hitting you hard. There is only one person who knows how- You burst the bedroom door open, hurriedly rushing into the bright room. You hiss, rubbing your stinging eyes. Once you recover, you look around widely.  
“Kakashi?!” You call out, searching for the male. There is blood on the floor, all over. The stage of the room brings a cold shock to your core. Dry blood, along with mud and other substances, possibly sweat. You crinkle up your nose, trying not to breath in the smell. It’s horrid, and brings a panic inside your chest.  
“K-Kakashi?” You follow the trail of blood, which leads you towards the bathroom. The door is closed, and you bite your lower lip, feeling something inside your stomach sunken once you reach out to grip the door handle. The handle is decorated with blood, and you try not to flinch away at the sticky feeling. You hear a low groan from the other side, and without thinking, you push the door open, and gasp at the sight. Kakashi stares back, with both eyes. His clothes are mattered and torn, with blood spilled everywhere. You stare, shocked and horrified.

“ _I’ts…it’s not mine_.” Is all Kakashi breathes out, before he collapses onto the cold tiles.  
You rush towards the male, not caring about your white night gown. Hurriedly you tend to his clothes, ripping the rest off without much thought. Once his clothes are removed, you get out the medical kit right behind his form, inside the cupboard. “Oh Kakashi…” You whisper, your heart breaking. “What happened to you…” You stitch the unconscious man up, without looking at his body too much. “Idiot...” You say tenderly, setting the male down after trying to get him onto the bed, and just failing and getting blankets and towels into the floor and setting him down there. You brush away his stray hair that’s by his eyebrow. Without a second though, you lean down slowly, and brush your lips over his closed eyelid.

“You’re luckily blood doesn't make me squeamish…” You bring out a damp cloth, and proceed to peel off his ruined clothing. Once he has nothing left but his black boxers on, your mouth goes dry. 

_Stop it._

You shake your head, and begin to feel the pulls of sleep taking over. You drift off into sleep, snuggling into the exuasted ninja's side. 

After some time, you begin to wake up again. This time though, it isn’t from a loud thud or thunder rumbling. Rather, you hear faint whimpering noises, coming from not too far away from you. You stir, trying to wake yourself up. Something doesn’t feel right, like an itch underneath your skin. It terrifies you, and soon, you find yourself shooting up from your sleeping position, eyes wide open. You look around, a little confused to where you are, then, realization hits you.

Kakashi.

Turning towards the make-shift bed, you spot the ninja, twisting and turning in his sleep. He’s whimpering, shaking even. You get up, hurrying to his side. Not sure what to do, you grab a hold off his shoulders, shaking the sleeping man lightly. He doesn’t stir awake, which bothers you.  
“Kashi,” You say a little loudly, trying to wake the distressed ninja. He doesn’t wake, and you shake him a little more, your voice growing louder. “Kakashi wake up!” He shakes his head, his body trembling. You begin to panic, this isn’t good- You try again, speaking his name louder, “Kakashi please wake up!” His eyes shoot open, and Kakashi lets out a whimpering howl, his hands reaching out and clutching onto your throat violently. You squeal in shock, but your voice dies once your oxygen pipe gets cut off. You fall to the ground with a heavy thud, the male following you. He’s still got a strong grip on your neck, and you begin to feel his grip tightening even further. Your eyes widen, and you try to speak out, but nothing comes. You look into his wide and frightened eyes, trying to plead through your orbs.  
Kakashi is staring right at you, but his eyes are glazed over.

“No!” Kakashi yells, bellowing into your face with pure rage.  
“No no no!” He shakes and trembles, but his grip doesn’t falter. You try and struggle, but the man’s grip is iron solid. Your hands begin to grow numb, with your eyelids slowly sinking. Things begin to grow fuzzy around the edges, and you feel your eyes stinging with incept tears. It hurts, everything just hurts. “K-!Kakashi!” You shout out, your voice nothing but a high pitched cry. He just watches, his fingers digging into your skin. His eyes are glazed over, but something seems to take focus after he hears your helpless pleas. Then, he blinks.  
Once,

Twice.

And Kakashi takes in a deep, ragged breath. To your horror, he tightens his grip, for only a moment, but suddenly releases all together, letting go as if burned.

“…I….” Kakashi breaks out, hands trembling.

He blinks a couple more times, tears streaming out like waves. “I’m, shit Y/n,” He breathes out, shaking “Sorry!” Once he lets go, you breathe in, relief washing over you. Air comes flooding back into your starving lungs. You take in a deep breath, inhaling as much of the sweet oxygen you can take.

Deep breath in, ragged breath out.

Your throat burns like fire, and you quickly push the male off of you swiftly, punching him harshly in the groin.

Kakashi yelps out in pain and collapses right there where you once were. He’s hunched over, whimpering. Struggling to stand, you bolt across the room, falling onto the floor. You can’t stop trembling and crying, breathe hoarse. The both of you stay completely still. There is no sound, nor movement from any of you. Your heart is still racing, with your sobs dying down as more time passes.

Kakashi isn’t looking at you, but he sure knows exactly where and what you’re doing. He’s a ninja, and you’re painfully reminded how deadly of a ninja he could actually be. It’s terrifying.

Actually, he’s terrifying.

The reflection of the moon slithers into the cracks between the curtains. Kakashi looks up, straight into your eyes. You hold his gaze. Then, his eyes flutter shut, and he collapses. Forgetting about the danger, the risks, you rush over to his side, and pull him closely, crying. You cry into his neck, crying so hard it hurts. Kakashi, softly, without really knowing, holds you back, trembling. You press your lisps onto the hot flesh by his neck and whisper faintly, without him knowing or hearing.

But, unbeknown to you, Kakashi whispers back, because Ninja are excellent with their hearing.

“I love you too.”

You heard a muffled sound, but not the words. It worked in Kakashi's favor, because he knew you'd not say them back. 

He holds you tighter, his eyelids closing fully. Then, the two of you fall into slumber, the rest of the world slowly slipping away.

As morning approaches, Kakashi and you sit by the counter top, silent and breathing each other in. You glance at the Ninja, smiling a little. Kakashi sees your smile, and mirrors it with his own.

“Idiot,” You speak fondly, and hand the man a large steaming mug of coffee. Kakashi takes the mug with a gleaming smile, but it doesn’t reach his eyes. “…Thank you….” You wave it off, shrugging.  
“No,” Kakashi begins, then takes a sip of his coffee, “I mean it.” You look down, not wanting to look into his eyes right now, afraid he’d catch onto something more, as you say back, “Don’t go on another mission without me, okay?”

In the corner of your eyes, you see Kakashi lift the mug to his unclothed mouth, and smile.

/

 B/f (Boyfriends name) was a great guy. No really, he is. 

He looked at you, with such love and longing, holding out a large bouquet of sunflowers.                                                                                                                                  Not red roses.

  
"Oh," You begin, smiling widely, trying to look surprised, as B/F stood so close to you, hope in his sparkling eyes, "Thank you so much…” You struggle to find the right words. It slips out before you could even stop your tumbling words.

“You're really a good friend."

You almost see his heart drop, eyes going darker. His stance changes slightly, but his hold on the flowers doesn't falter, and instead, seems to step closer, with a more determined gleam in his eyes. "But, could maybe you and I go out for dinner?...not as friends," B/F instates, looking at you through his lashes, biting his moist lip.

You wont lie, B/F is truly handsome, with body toned and silken hair, and a filled up wallet. (Not that you would call yourself a gold digger)  
He was polite, with records of always being on time, a true gentleman and ladies man. But, you prefer somebody more real, appealing in looks and personality, someone with a deeper character, complex as he is beautiful.  
But, as B/F stands there, willing and open, you realize, maybe if you cant have what you truly desire, maybe going for the second best, would make you a little happy.

_Doubt it, don’t be so sure, Y/N._

"O-okay," You stutter out, nodding your head, seeing how B/F's eyes sparkle, and his mouth twists widely into a pure happy smile . "Really?" He beams out, stepping closer, and as you nod shakily, he comes right up to you, and hugs you a little too tightly, lifting you off the ground lightly. "I love you!" He cries out, twisting you around happily, making you giggle and laugh out, your dress twirling around the two of you. As he sets you down, you look into his eyes, a slight twinge of pain running through your heart. He's not the man you'll ever love, you think distantly, but smile anyway, promising yourself, you'd try, try and love this man.

_Lies_. Something inside your mind whispers, _all lies._

That night, you went to Kakashi's house, embracing Kakashi, holding onto Kakashi, wishing, longing.

Yoy longed for him to love you like you endlessly love him.

How wasteful

"Kakashi..." You begin, sitting rather closely to the older man, your legs on his lap, as the two of you sit comfortably on the couch in his small living room. The silver headed man looks up from his book, his eyes crinkling,  
"Yes my loving student?" He tilts his head, and his tender voice brings an unwanted blush to dust your cheeks. You shake your head, optioning for saying nothing, it would be safer. Kakashi seems bothered with your silence, and pokes your ankle playfully, giving you a meaningful look, "Come on...what's up? You don't like the tea I made you?" He teases, making you giggle softly, holding the steaming mug closer, loving the smell,  
"No," You begin, pulling out your tongue, "I love your tea," Kakashi winks, "Oh, I know you do," You laugh loudly, almost spilling the milky, rich liquid, setting it down on the counter, quick enough before Kakashi then pounced, onto you lightly, emitting a slight surprised squeak.

"Sensei!" You squeal out, trying to get a hold of his roaming hands, knowing he would tickle you until you begin to plea for mercy, but you don't like pleading. "What did I say you must call me?" Kakashi playfully says, slipping away from your grip, and his long, pale fingers tickle your sides, making you burst out of laughter. "Kakashi!" You yell out, breathlessly, more like a half moan. "Kakashi -Ah -Kakashi!" The tickling stops abruptly almost like the man was burned, as he quickly moves away from you, his breath also a little ragged.

He looked at you, laying underneath you, and for a moment, you thought you saw a spark of lust, cross his eyes.

"Y/N..." He whispers out, making your heart begin to race more.

You just sit up a little, getting more closer, your breath almost mingling with his. "Yeah?" You whisper, gazing deeply into his mismatched orbs.

"I..." Kakashi begins, biting his lips.

Kakashi took off his mask, the third month after he'd met you. You tried not to think too much about it, and moved on, always loving the secrecy that only you knew, out of all his students. You knew the curve of his lips, as he smirked, you knew the secret beauty mark, decorating by his lower lip, and the thin, historic scar, that tells a painful story of a lost friend.  
He looked pained when he told you what had happened, and he showed you his grave, right next to his teachers' in-carved name.

"Kakashi…I, I know." You whisper, seeing how the mans' eyes widen in fear, but you quickly explain, "I know you...care for me, as a s-sister, and you never want to loose me.. "I know, because every time you look at me, like that...You think of all the other people you lost, how many you'd lost..."  
The words just flow, because you don't know what else to say, and the crushing of your heart, makes you want to gag, crawl up into a ball, lock yourself away from the world, but you know-  
"I wont leave you...ever," You promise, looking into the mans' eyes with love, and you could of sworn, he was looking back with that same emotion, but- He only loves you as a sister, you're sure of it.

"Oh…"  
Kakashi seems to loosen, but at the same time, his shoulders slump, and he gazes away, swallowing heavily.  
He's bringing up his walls again, closing up for a reason, as he speaks, "What do you see me as?" You're about to say it all, speak your mind, your heart, tell Kakashi how you truly feel, but you can't. There's a bittersweet pill to swallow.

He loves Rin.  
He told you so, on a drunken night, when you passed your exam, getting your degree to become one of the many fighting ninja who protect the village.

The two of you went drinking, and you were a little weary because, the age, but Kakashi told you, he was doing all the drinking, for the both of you.

Sakura even obliged to throw a small party, but almost the entire village came, as you were very popular among all the other Ninja's. After the 'little' party had ended, deep into the night, you took the stumbling man home, positive you'd be completing your mission, but not after a while, Kakashi began to not want to walk anymore, and you literally dragged him home, trying to get him into his Pajamas, him only giving in half his effort. That's when he told you, a drunken rambling of the mind, but a no clearer sentence no less,

"See neh, I'm in love with this girl...but...but *hick* She's so close, a gwoodfriend," He slurs out, brows furrowing " I can't tell her, she'd leave me, and I can't loose her. She'd told me she'd never leave, but I know she would,"

The way he said it, the way he looked off, away from you, out through the closed window, made your heart sink towards your stomach.

"Is...is it Rin?"

He didn't answer, and that just twisted your heart even more, and you tried not to break, tried not to shatter. But you did, "Go to bed, Sensei." You speak out, voice breaking, not looking into his eyes, pushing gently on his shoulders in an effort to make him lean down and rest, to just create some space. Having the man so close, was making you want to forget things, forget his secret he just told you.

_A secret you weren't even supposed to hear possibly._

You wanted desperately, to be the one Kakashi would talk about, make him look out the window longingly, you wanted to be the girl he was talking about, who he loved, but no, you were just his student, young and too innocent, too pure. You weren't worth it, it seems. "Y/n...please, call me Kakashi, you k'now that." You didn't say a word, and left the house, slamming the door.

After that night, the next day, you met B/F, at your final exam entrance.  
He asked for your number, and you agreed, still feeling that dull ache inside your chest, knowing B/F was a good person, but didn't deserve a love stuck girl like you, infatuated with her teacher she could never have.

And now, with B/F being something more, like a real boyfriend, and wanting everything you wanted with Kakashi, reality was almost too much to bare. You're brought out of your thoughts, blinking away the tears, as you stared up at the man you truly loved, cared for more than he'd ever do for you.

'What do you see me as?' His voiced echoed over your mind, and you smiled a little.

"Someone that-" You swallow the lump in your throat, tightening your grip on your jacket, the one Kakashi had gotten you for your 17nth birthday, loving and hating it, "Someone that would make any girl happy..." Your statement was correct, and you truly hope, that one day, Kakashi would see that too.  
Kakashi seemed to not really agree, but thanked you, saying _you were all he ever wanted._

You tried not to look too deeply into that friendly statement.

He loves Rin... But, as the two of you carry on with your night, feet entangled and laughter in sync, if Kakashi truly loved Rin, why was he so close to you?

There was a glimmer of hope, that night, as you laid there, in Kakashi's bed, underneath the blanket that had his intoxicating fragrance. The other man was on the couch, sleeping soundlessly, and you crunched up the desperate urge to go cuddle with him.

Maybe, just maybe, you could make him fall for you...

/

Time passes, you move in with B/F.

He says the three words. You never manage to quite say them, feeling grey orbs still lingering behind your back.

_‘Can I love two people?’_ You ask yourself one night, as B/F goes on a mission and your left alone in the large shared apartment.

_‘Could be, if only he could too.’_

/

Days pass, Kakashi's shoulders grow heavier and heavier. 

Your smile doesn't reach your eyes, not anymore. 

/

 Winter rolls into spring, and the smell of sweet cherry blossoms and young love, fill the air. 

It's pleasant. 

/

 

The sun rested comfortably on your cheeks, as it streamed though the peaked curtains. You don't remember opening the velvet blinds anytime last night in your room, so as you started to slowly wake up, you took in your surroundings.  
Still a little asleep, your mind tries to understand the confusion, when your eyes begin to flutter open lightly. The blur over the edges of your vision is there for only a moment, then the light stings your eyes for more than a moment, and you hiss out, looking away from the blinding gleam.  
'No, I definitely don't have these large windows in my room.' You think distractedly. 'Why am I here...what happened.' First thing you spot is the lone, vanilla white coffee table, along on top, a half empty silver mug. It's the coffee table you've stumped your toe against, in the living room-

It’s that fluffy love seat, you recall, with a thin, poke-dot blanket draped over your resting body.

When was the last time you slept on the couch?

_'A year.'_

As you wake slowly, there's this warm presence, behind you, consuming your shoulder pleasantly.  
It's quite a nice feeling, and you sigh into it, snuggling into the warmth with your whole body, relaxing into the familiar scent that's always corrupting your thoughts and heart. Pine wood and Cinnamon, with a slight hint of canine odor.

_Wait-_

Your eyes pop wide, wide open, and your body then stiffens completely. That smell, it's too familiar, to real.  
As you try and wrap your brain around the knowing scent, there's a light grown, but it's not from your chest, rather from behind you, the rumble sending vibrations through your back.  
Your eyes widen to an impossible scale.  
There's only one person you know, person you love, with that type of purring, rumbling smooth and rich voice.

_You’re Sensei._

Without making a squeak, you try and keep your heart calm, as you feel your frail heart strings tug in pure happiness and bliss, feeling how the silver headed ninja brings you closer, snuggling into the crook of your neck.  
Your mouth goes dry, trying to not think of all the times you've wished this would happen, dreamed about this perfect moment, the man you love, holding you closely, and his love for you showing.

But, something doesn't seem right.

"So warm..." He mumbles, nuzzling his hyper sensitize nose into your (hair type) locks. He's probably not aware of anything, sleeping soundly on your couch, slightly intoxicated with your sweet scent.

Intoxicated, he was drunk…

The memories come flooding back, leaving a sour taste inside your throat.

_He stumbled to your home, at 1 A.M. looking lost and broken, pleading with his eyes so wide and teary. You never even let him in, but he got up unsteadily, swayed a little-_

_and planted his lips, firmly on yours._

The kiss was sweat, tender. You’ll always relish those soft, plump lips racing lovingly onto yours, so tender and gentle it felt like honey drizzled onto your lips.

You doubt he would remember.

You promptly jumped out of the sleeping mans grasp, gasping and heart raising. Untangling yourself made you loose your footing, and tripped, landing on the soft carpet, thankful your landlord installed those, she's truly a kind lady. You landed on the carpet, the wind getting knocked out of you slightly, and your chest pounded, and blood rang in your ears, while you just lade there, heart racing.  
"Oh my gosh,"  
There was a grumbling, and you stood up straight, just in time to see Kakashi's bed head, and his blurry eyes, staring sleepily at you, making you want to melt. He was so adorable,  
"You, you like to fall, everywhere," Kakashi states simply, scratching the back of his head, yawning loudly, so widely you feared he might engulf you, but the thought of Kakahsi eating you-

_Stop, right there, sinful thoughts._

But, the blush still dusted your cheeks, and you just nodded dumbly, not saying anything with your dry throat and trembling lips. He wont remember, he wont remember kissing you, telling you he loved you. He thought you were another girl, Rin.

" _Get out,_ " You spat out harshly, still sitting there on the floor, but the cold tone makes you freeze, and the silver headed man does the same, blinking at you, waking up fully.  
He just stares at you, thinking that maybe you hadn't meant it, that you were just joking. But, the look in your eyes, broken and violated, makes his blood run cold. He's not moving, and your heart just starts racing,  
"Pardon?" He asks, tilting his head, hissing slightly at the large headache, "Shit, what happened?" He questions, his confusion making your blood boil more in rasge, and you tightened your fists, getting up from the floor a little too quickly, your body trembling.  
You want to punch the idiot, for making your heart do this, break and crumble, even if it was just a small kiss-

"Get out!" You yell, pointing towards the door, tears beginning to rim the edges of your eyes.  
You aren't speaking of the handsome man anymore, and more of the thoughts and feelings inside your head, inside your heart.

It's too much, too soon. Why aren't you normal?

The silver headed man stand up quickly, looking even more confused, tilting his head, eyes growing sad as he sees your tears falling, wanting to comfort you, hold you close, never let you slip away, "But what did I do?"

_'I love this girl neh, but she'd never love me back.'_

You remembered how he said it, breathless and so close to your lips, so close and far yet painfully close to the truth.

It made you want to peel your own skin off.

_He doesn't remember._

"You lied to me," you whisper, broken and such a fool of yourself, shaking there, in the middle of your own living room, standing in front of your Sensei, the man you loved secretly, the man that was in love with someone else.

The man who kissed you drunkenly, not even remembering how it made your whole world fall apart.

"You kissed me," You say then, almost too softly, but Kakashi heard it, and his mind stood still, along with his breath.

He just sat there, motionless.

You wanted to just ran away, leave the village, maybe even become a Rogue Ninja, "I what?" He asked dumbly, standing up slowly, his weight quickly outrunning yours, as the tall man over-towered you. Taking a deep breath, you explained slowly, taking one step forwards each time.  
" _You,_ " You step a little closer, breaking the wide gap between your two bodies, " _Kissed_ ," Taking another step, you were closer, his scent filling your lungs, making you feel a little lighter, You then were right by him, so close, like last night, your bodies almost touching, teasing. He cold lean down, and do it again, he could kiss-

" _Me..._ "

Kakashi was now right there, looking at you with an uncontrolled face, powerful emotions displayed, going from confusion, to horror, to regret.

Did he regret kissing you?

"I.." He begins, but once his voice starts to break, he tries again, taking a shallow breath between his teeth.  
"I must have-"  
"Thought I was someone else?" You interrupt the Silver haired, looking away, moving to create space from the two of you, missing his look of fear.  
"Did you think I was maybe _Rin_?" The sentence leaves you with an empty ache inside your chest, but you imagine your feelings are inside a chest, and you lock the chest tightly, concealing your feelings, holding everything back. It's time you closed up, time you stopped letting this man, your Sensei, tug so easily on your fragile heart.

Kakashi speaks, "Y/N, what are you talking about?"

He reaches out, taking a hold of your arm, his large hand encircling your whole wrist, insuring you don't look or pull away.  
He makes eye contact with you, and you just stare, gaze into his eyes, as he speaks,

"I do love Rin,"

You have the urge to look away, run away, slap the man maybe, but you just stand there, feeling the warmth of Kakashi's wrist, as he keeps you in place, holds onto you tightly.

"But,"  
He speaks slowly, pulling you, tugging on you with pleading eyes, to move closer, to just get a little closer, and you find yourself moving, taking small steps, until your right there, once more, on his chest, as he speaks the final words, "She's not the one I want to spend the rest of my life with."

The dam all but breaks, and he stares at you, as the tears spill down your cheeks. You say nothing. 

_No...does he?..._

  
"Y/n, you're more to me, than I'd ever deserved," Kakashi knows, from a long time ago, that he'd mess up, but he never knew it would happen, this soon. You just stare up at the man, words not reaching your throat, more of it exploding inside your heart.

You shake your head, moving back a little, This doesn't make any sense. 

_'How could he love you?'_

He loosens his grip on your arm, and you slip free, He loves you, and you love him. "Kakashi, I-"  
Kakashi shakes his head, and bites the inside of his cheek, turning away, not understanding the fear in your eyes, mistaking it for rejection, "I know, you love me like a brother," He begins, turning away, heading for the door, "But I just, I just wanted to make you aware," He's already out the door, slamming it, making you jump slightly. You just stand there, taking it all in, almost not breathing. 

_He's your sensei, but...could he love you?_

"Kakashi wait!" You cry out, already half way across the room, opening the door, uncaring if you were still in your sleeping Pajamas. He needed you, and you never knew how much it hurt him, that he thought you were rejecting him.

_He was truly a Baka_ , you though fondly, wiping away the tears that fell freely from your face, as you raced down the two flights of stairs, bumping into a solid figure as you made it down half of them,  
"Y/N, what's the rush?"  
It was B/F, and he's looking at you worriedly, seeing the state your in, "Come on now, are you alright?" He takes a hold of your hand, and proceeds to pull you lightly back, towards your apartment, speaking gently, "Lets get you cleaned up, I just spotted Kakashi, by the way, he's looking a little out of it, did you guys have-"  
"I'm sorry B/F," You explain quickly, slipping away from your boyfriends grasp, shaking your head, making the man confused and slightly hurt, Then you speak, "I'm- it's complicated,"

His face shows slight confusion, and you truly regret not loving him, knowing it would be better for him if he just stayed away. He is a good person, and will one day, find the right girl, one that would love him, and care for him more than you could ever.

"Sorry, but right now, my Sensei needs me," You explain, turning and bolting down the stairs, leaving a heartbroken man, already calling out your name, but you just carry on, calling Kakahsi's name ...

 

/A few hours before/

She was truly a beauty, with (colored hair) that blew perfectly in the wind and a smile that can set any man's heart on fire, and Gai knew, by the way Kakashi always looked at her, that he cared deeply for his student; The silver headed man even introduced her to him, and afterwards, warned Gai to not try anything with his student, almost like a possessive boyfriend would, even though

  
Gai would never really go for someone that youthful.

The sun was setting, a quiet, peaceful afternoon, and Gai wanted to shout out flamboyantly about how his youthfulness seemed to even make the sun cry, as it's rays draped over him and his partner pleasantly.  
Now, Gai knew it was time to take action, as he watched Kakashi in the corner of his eye, who seemed to be in his own world, looking into the pond with slight worry. "Hey Kakashi, my eternal rival, I have a challenge for you," Gai begins, smiling broadly, kicking a small peddle towards the river, as the two sat there after a long day of training. Kakashi just blinked, sighing a little, not truly looking that interested. "Ah, come on my Rival! I swear it would be worth your while," Gai pleads, grinning broadly, and once Kakashi took out his decade old book, Gai know he was getting somewhere. "Sure, but you know I'm going to win right?" Kakashi doesn't even look up from his book, and turns a page, unfazed by his friends intimidating smile. "Oh, trust me," Gai says, smiling like the cheasar cat, "I doubt my youthful rival can loose this one..." The statement caught the silver mans attention, and Kakashi looks up from his book, tilting his head, "I'm listening..."

Turns out, Kakashi isn’t good at holding his luquir, and Gai knew this all too well.

That night, they had a drinking game, with the last one standing getting the wining point. Kakashi dropped after the tenth shooter, and Gai made sure to toss away the drinks once he had handed them out to himself and the oblivious ninja.

Then, after that, Gai said he’s going home, and suggested that Kakashi go to Y/n’s apartment, seeing that is was indeed and conveniently more closer than his own.

Gai hoped that with a little bit of alcohol in his system, he’ll come to his senses and finally confess his love for the girl.

Turns out the plan worked, but way too much.

 

_/The present/_

 

"I'm so _stupid_..." Kakashi mumbles to himself, shaking his head, also kicking a large pebble into the river, watching how the solid object makes the waves ripple. "I should of just went home, not went to her house...stupid!" He scolds himself, turning away and punching the nearby tree.

"Why did I have to go and ruin it?!" He yells out in frustration, slamming his fists into the tree with more force, almost breaking the bark.  
"I ruin everything I touch!" The lightning seems to just explode from his grasp, an electrical current than shoots throughout the entire tree, setting the old wood to explode, dust and nature scattering in all directions.  
Kakashi is forcefully pushed from the blast, and tumbles towards the ground, back hitting painfully onto the hard floor. The peace of wood lodges painfully into his chest, and Kakashi begins to panic.  
"S-shit." He spits out blood, trying to move, but cant. The wood digs more painfully into him, and Kakashi wants to whimper out in pain.

"Kakashi!" There's that sweet voice, sounding panicked and much too close. Kakahsi has the strength to look up, and sees how Y/n runs towards him, tears streaming down her cheeks and face, the look of horror displayed. He reaches out, smiling a little.

"Y/n..."

She reaches his laying body, looking frightened and scared, seeing the large piece of wood stuck inside his chest.  
"Don't worry," He tries to calm her, but the tremble and breaking in his voice gives him away, “I’m okay-“  
“Shut up.”  
She growls.

Kakashi shuts his mouth, wincing at the icing pain.

Y/N just looks at him, with a mixture of determination then, as she grips onto the bark, and proceeds to swiftly takes the object out of his chest, emitting a surprised yell from the man.

"Don't worry Kakashi..." She whispers, setting her splayed palms over his large wound in his chest,  
"I'm not going to loose you," He has a moment to see her hands light up with a green chakra, before his whole world goes completely blank.

/

Turns out, Y/n has the ability to heal wounds. Kakashi things it suits her, the charkra nature.

Not only do his scars heal, his nightmares fade away. He wonders if maybe she'd be able to make the pain deep inside himself also bloom into a dull ache rather than a burning fire.

They don't talk about the indecent before the accident. 

 Kakashi feels guilt creep up his spine, and he's drowning in it. He keeps his distance, knowing Y/n deserves better. She doesn't talk about it too, and he's grateful for that.

 

/

Another year passes. Y/n is still with her new boyfriend. Kakashi feels as though his life is slipping away, picked away bit by bit. The nightmares return, but only when Y/N is away.  
He falls deeper into the bottle, finding himself in the bars more and more each night.

It passes the time.

And keeps the dreadful nightmares away.

 

/

 

A glass clatters onto the wooden tabletop, the ice inside shaking along with the contents of a little amount of golden hazel liquid.

Kakashi heaves a sigh, looking down into the glass like the fragile object had offended him in some way. The alcohol burns down his throat, as Kakashi lets the bitter taste unfold over his taste buds. He tries and not grimaces at the horrible tang, but Kakashi knows, the taste will soon die down, and he'd be set into a blissful ignorance.

So Kakashi takes another sip, the rest of the Whisky sliding down his throat, his mask pulled over his mouth tightly afterwards, to ensure nobody sees, nobody would see his scars, his past.

'They can still see what type of person you are'

He’s known as The white Fangs Son.

_A prodigy,_  
_A Hero-A Ninja capable of making the right decisions._  
_A young man that just really wants to make the right decisions, but there is something, something that makes Kakahsi's skin crawl and his throat itch._

_What was it again?_

Kakashi can't remember, his brain is too foggy to recall his habit, the reason why he's here. What was he doing here again?  
All he remembers, is light laughter and innocent eyes, lingering touches and the sweetest smell, something he's always wanted to bury his nose into, and just inhale, drown into. But he can't, and he forgot why, which makes the silver haired man even more frustrated. He suspects his mind would remember in the morning, along with a blinding headache. He’s busy contemplating another glass, possibly something even stronger, when he feels a hand gently crease his shoulder, and a soft, seductive voice whispers inside his ear, making him shiver, as he tenses up slightly at the sudden contact. The voice is timid, teasing, and Kakshi turns towards the warm body pressing ever closer to him, and his lone eye rakes down the young woman's form.  
He registers that she is stunning, curves and all, but the low light makes her appear too dull to really care about.

"Hey Sexy,"

The girl speaks softly, her short black dress riding up her thigh lightly, just enough to tease anybody who wanted a peak.  
Kakashi looks forwards, turning away from the girl, not truly interested in making company or even speaking to anybody. He had too many things swirling around his mind. One of them were not something he could quite remember, due to all the alcohol in his system, but he does know that whatever it had been, it was important... Wasn't it about someone? Kakashi blinks, breathing in deeply.

_Yes..._  
Feeling the loneliness grow, Kakashi feels an ache from deep within his heart.

_Defiantly someone-_  
"Why don't I show you a good time? You look like a man that has some interesting needs," She begins to slowly trail her hands towards Kakashi's forearm, getting lower and lower, her feather light touch leaving a trail of goosebumps in her wake, and Kakashi swallows around a lump in his throat, not doing much to stop her, because truth be told, he was in need of a little contact-  
He's wanted touch and to be touched, but from someone, but Kakashi for the life of him can't remember who- was she a colleague? No, she was close than that, Kakashi bites his bottom lip, frustrated.  
"Maybe you could teach me a few things....Sensei,"  
Kakashi feels his world come to a complete stand still.

_Sensei_

The word, that word, Kakashi stiffens, once the lone syllable slips passed her rosy red lips, and Kakashi finally looks up at the girl, finally sees who she might possibly be. And he knows who it's not. She has dyed blonde hair, pale grey eyes.  
Kakashi feels his heart sink a little into his stomach, and he tries and masks his disappointment.  
"Ah,"  
He stumbles out, not truly sober enough for this conversation.  
Kakashi watches how the girl seems to find his state a little amusing, as she giggles out sweetly and moves to sit right next to the slightly tipsy young man, setting her hand again on the bridge of his clothed thigh.

Kakashi wants nothing more than to nudge her hand away, as it moves slowly upwards, in a light teasing way. Her nails scrape slightly over his clothed skin, and Kakashi grimaces, taking her hand slowly in with his, moving her advances away with politeness.

Kakashi smiles, hating how he can't be normal.

He watches the blonde beautified face fall, and he tries and smiles at her reassuringly, tilting his head to the side.

"I'm not-" He begins, tumbling over his words, as he looks anywhere else other than her sadden expression.  
"I'm not...I can't-" The woman seems to understand his stammering, because she just smiles sadly, looking off towards the exit longingly.  
"I see..." The sadness in her voice makes Kakashi want to squirm, but he resists the action, trying to play it off, lying to himself. He's not bothered by the sudden contact, he's not wanting it to be someone else.

_Lies._

"I'll just... go then...and she's a lucky girl, I hope she understands what a loyal man you truly are, Kakashi Hatake," The woman then gets up slowly, as Kakashi tries and wrap his foggy brain around the whole situation,wait, he's not-  
"But I'm not," He begins, biting on his tongue, holding back the words as they tried to slip passed his unguarded mouth,

_I'm not normal,_

The blonde haired woman just looks at Kakahsi knowingly, tilting her head in slight amusement, watching how Kakashi pales a little, and she explains with a soft tone, "But I can see by the way you look off into the distance…”  
"Her smile is fake, but at least she tried to look happy for him, even if her smile never quite reached her eyes. She has a pretty smile, Kakashi notices,  
Not as bright and beautiful as hers-  
"She's a lucky woman." The blonde states, making Kakahsi whip around to her, eye impossibly wide, wondering if maybe she knew-  
No, nobody knew about Y/N...

He was very careful with letting his emotions slip, he's cautious as can be , nobody suspects anything...

Then again, Gai had his suspicions.

Blinking rapidly, Kakashi tries to stand, an apology on the tip of his numb tongue, I'm sorry for wasting your time-  
"Look, maybe we could get some c-coffee or something," Kakashi stammers out, looking sheepish as he scratches behind his head lightly, as the girl just smirks knowingly, her hip cocked in an angle that makes her curves show just a little more. Kakashi won’t be lying if he said she wasn't dressed to impress, and Kakahsi was impressed, but just not interested His mind was captivated by another, much younger woman-  
_One with wide (color) eyes, that glimmered in the darkness as she would look up towards the skies, her (color) locks flowing in the wind like beautiful words falling onto paper. Y/N was perfect, all he ever wanted, and yet..._

The age.

Kakashi was old- Well, maybe not that old, but old enough for a relationship with her to be frowned upon, and he knew, he doesn't want Y/n, _sweet, beautiful Y/n_ , to be in a situation where everyone despises her.  
Kakashi knew perfectly well about that situation, and how some days he can’t even breathe, knowing he's holding a dark, unwanted secret.

But he can try and act normal.

"I can't promise anything," The girl chirps, bringing Kakashi out of his deep thoughts, and the silver haired Ninja blinks slowly, following her movements as she slips out a pen from her small pouch from her left leg, the pen a bright glint in the dark lights of the pub. "Here's my number," She purrs out, using a lone napkin on the table top, scribbling a few numbers on it, the blank ink smudging the perfect white fabric. She hands the paper over to his trembling fingers, and Kakashi nods jerkily, trying to smile, but the nervous fluttering in his stomach makes it hard to do so.

_When last has he gotten a phone number?_

Kakashi doesn't even have a house phone, how is he going to call back. Their fingers brush a fraction, and the sudden feeling is quite nice, really, but his skin burs on the sudden contact. He moves his hand away quickly, flushing as his body betrays him and he intrinsically moves backwards, into a fighting stance. Dammit, must he always be so protective? Must he always just, be a human incapable of simple human contact?

She smiles then, surprising Kakashi a little.

"I see you don't like to get too close on the first date," She explains, and Kakashi smiles nervously, setting the napkin into his back pocket, feeling the weight the small fabric holds, and really, must he really take it? It's useless, Kakashi isn't planning on seeing her ever again, this wasn't what he wanted-  
He wants (color) hair, (color) orbs, _a flush spreading down her beautiful upper body, as she screams out his name sweetly in pleasure_ -

Kakashi decides he was way too much to drink, and he needs to leave.  
Before anybody notices his weird behavior, or before he does something he might regret. "I guess Gai thought you'd be a good match for me," Kakahsi explains instead, looking down towards the dirty floor, counting the wood and the cracks beneath.

"I guess I'm just not ready for this,"

Kakashi looks up then, seeing her face a few inches closer, her sweet perfume filling his hyper sensitive nose; Lavender he deduces, and Kakahsi wants to choke, he doesn't like this, too close, too much to fast- She's not what he wants-  
But maybe, it's the only thing he would get-  
He stops himself though, and turns his head away, not looking at the girl as she gazes at him from underneath her lashes.  
"Come on, Big Boy," She hums seductively, getting a little closer, "I'm sure I can give you what that stupid girl can't," Kakashi snaps his head towards her, and he catches a small, fainted smirk on the corner of her red lips. "Let me help you forget about her-"

_Forget about her-_

“…Kakashi?”

His eyes snap towards a confused looking Y/n, standing there with a small box in her arms.

Kakashi’s world freezes.

She looks so beautiful, her hair styled up into a bun, with golden ear-rings she had gotten from him.

Y/n looks so small, lost, standing there with a look he can’t quite place-

Then, he gets it, he gets it so hard he almost burst out with relieved laughter.

But, before any of them have time to move, Y/n rushes out, mumbling apologies and birthday wishes.

Kakashi isn’t far behind, shouting out for the fleeing girl.

“Y/n wait!”

He forgets about the woman in the bar, the minute the cold air of the night hits his flushed cheeks.

/

He finds her sitting by the jungle gym.

“…Hey…” He whispers softly, walking slowly towards the girl.

Y/n turns to look at him, her eyes glimmering with the moonlit light. Her grip tightens on the swing’s metal chains, but her face is unreadable.

“Didn’t actually see you as the booze type.” She says in a greet, voice low.

Kakashi winces, and chuckles embarrassed. He scratches the back of his neck nervously, walking more towards her. “Yeah well…” He trails off, and sets himself down into the much smaller swing, ignoring the uncomfortable seat.

“I just, slipped up a little,” He explains, brushing his drinking habits off.

The air is silent, as the two of them just gaze up into the night sky, two spectators of the shimmering stars.

“When…” Y/n begins, her voice strained. “When did you…actually find me?”

Kakashi turns towards the girl, tilting his gaze at her. He holds onto the chain tightly, his knuckles turning white. His whole body runs cold. 

“Y/n…what do you mean-“

“You know _exactly_ what I mean, Kakashi.” She says, looking at him then, her eyes burning with fire. “How did you, find me, after you…killed my mother?”

Kakashi’s eyes grow wide, and the male gets out his seat, stammering. “I never-“

“I know what you did Kakashi!” She bellowed, standing up suddenly, her form trembling with rage, rage Kakashi has never witnessed before. “I know you had a mission that day,” She looks down, her voice breaking, “I know about the failed mission, the plot to kill-“

“Y/n,” Kakashi pleads, stopping her rant, “You don’t understand-“

The slap echoes across the silent plains, and Kakashi feels the stinging burning over his cheek.

He brings up his hand, rubbing the tender and burning skin.

Y/n isn’t looking at him anymore.

“B/f, told me everything…”

Kakashi’s eyes turn into an icy glare, but it’s not directed at the girl.

“He said…he was there, he actually was assigned the same job…”

Kakashi shakes his head, and in a fit of heartache and overwhelming love, Kakashi moves forwards, capturing her lips with his own.

Kakashi feels the wetness of her eyes stain his cheeks, but he kisses her deeply, holding her head between his hands, cradling her. She’s still for only a moment, freezing up entirely.

Kakashi waits for her to pull back, waiting for her to push him away and hate him and cry and-

But, instead, she pulls him closer, pouring her love and affection she’s been hiding for the male all into one, heartburning kiss.

She holds him close, crying, kissing him so much her breath is stolen.

Once they part, Kakashi keeps her close, leaning his forehead onto hers, breathing her in.

They stand there, their breaths mingling with the night air.

“I never-“ Kakashi begins, but he swallows the lump in his throat, “I never meant that mission to go badly, everyone was supposed to make it out alive, but, I just- there was an unexpected explotion- I- there wasn’t enough time…” He grips her tightly, his body shaking. “But I tried, I really did-“ His voice breaks off into a crackling.

Y/n sh’s the male then, and brings him in for another kiss.

Once they part, Y/n whispers softly against his lips, “I forgive you…” She then smiles, looking deeply into his deep orbs. “And I’m sure she does too.

/

Once the two gets home, she immediately takes off his armor, the green, bulky jacket tossed to the side without much care, and Kakashi stumbles lightly towards his bedroom, Y/n following soon after, the sunlight dress lade on the floor forgotten.  
They made sweet love to each other, during the moonlights gaze. Everything was warm and wet and oh so heavenly, and Kakashi felt like a string that had been tightened up to much that the moment the energy broke, he exploded into a delicious release and relief.

Y/n trembled as his name spilled from her shivering lips, gripping onto his back and scraping down the tender skin, leaving deep, red marks. Kakashi loved it, loved the ache, the burn, and finally, the love of his life, lying by his side, whispering the three words he’d only heard her say to him when she thought he wasn’t listening. But this time, she knew, he was.

/

Kakashi wakes up after a little time, but the moon still high in the dark skies.  
He gets up from the tangled sheets, careful not to wake the sleeping girl, and walks towards the kitchen, retrieving a glass with some water. Once he downs two glass full of water, he walks back, in a daze, stepping over the clothes.

He spots Y/N, sleeping peacefully on his bed, curled up slightly, a small smile rested on her parted slips, as a bit of drool slides down onto the small pillow she's hugging tightly into her chest.  
Her hair is lightly wild, splaying over her naked shoulders, and both Kakashi's eyes take in her beauty, as he trails his gaze slowly over her unclothed form, with every inch of her skin is revealed to his eyes.  
He stops his lowering gaze onto the key chain that's rested on her slightly pale throat, and his breath hitches.

It's the same one he had given her for her sixteenth birthday, a small, delicate diamond, something to be kept underneath her shirt, something to remember him if he happened to go on longer missions than expected.  
He thought she had taken the small silver crystal off, possibly lost it somewhere, but now, he sees how it sits there, glimmering in the moonlight, and Kakashi feels a small tug on his delicate heart, like a thud on one of his strings, making tears want to fall down his face. He slowly reaches out, his fingers brushing over the cool metal. Kakashi feels his upper lip tremble, and he tries to move more forwards without making a sound.  
He presses a kiss to her forehead.

She smiles then, turning slowly around, her body breaking out into goosebumps, and Kakahsi smiles sadly, and starts to reach out.

He want's to soothe her cold skin, make her warm with his touch again, wanting to make her feel his love just one more time-

But Kakashi knows, there might be a few more times, and the thought makes him smile.  
Her breath dusts his upper body as he crouches down, leaning right near her sleeping, calm looking face, the moonlight capturing all her beauty. God, she's an angel.  
He can't help himself, as his heart and mind is just so overcome by such strong emotions, such strong feelings, that the Copy Ninja slowly moves forwards, not really knowing what he plans on doing, but his fingers itch for contact, his mind longs for the comfort he knows her body can provide, he presses his lips to hers.  
“I’m so sorry…” His fingers linger over her cheekbones, the pads of his fingertips slightly touching, but not enough-  
She's sleeping, this is wrong-

Doubt starts to linger in his thoughts.

_‘You killed her mother. This is wrong.’_

His hand that's so close, outstretched and almost there, where he really desires, where he knows it belongs, creasing and caring for her, loving her.

_This is wrong,_

_You’re a killer_ His mind echoes, making Kakashi slowly retrieve his hand, the voices getting impossibly louder, along with his thundering heartbeat.

Wrong wrong wrong!  
Kakashi shakes his head, getting up from his crouched position swiftly, feeling tears run fast over his scar, the tissue on his skin there aching, his left eye aching.

_‘Would you ever forgive somebody for killing your mother?’_

Kakashi spares the girl another glance, trying to seek comfort in the fact that she might one day, be able to love him, this monster, a friend killer.

Would she still love me, even when I’d done all this to her?

His mind begins to form a storm, and Kakahsi feels his stomach tighten, his heart aches more, paining like the organ is tearing, breaking open, letting all the darkness slip passed.

Would she accept someone as broken and shattered as me?

_Wrong! She'd never love you,_

Kakashi feels himself stagger, and he lets out a loud sniff, clenching his jaw, feeling his teeth scrape the inside of his gum, and there is the bitter taste of blood on his tongue, much like the Whisky, except this taste comes along with a dull pain. "Kakashi?" His world stills, his breath catches in his throat, his heart beats louder now, echoing inside his ringing ears, and his tears stop completely now, as Kakashi opens his eyes slowly, looking up towards where the sweet voice came from, the moonlight now opening through the gaps of his creamy curtains.

“Y/n…”

 

Your mind registers the movement of another person, and you try and wrap the information around your foggy sleep riddled brain, and you try and remember where you are again, opening up your eyes slightly, looking around the dark room, a lone, tall silhouette standing across from you, gaze turned away, and you spot the wild, silver locks illuminated by the pale light of the moon, making his skin seem just as pale as his hair, which makes Kakashi look even more beautiful.

He's shirtless, the mast and bulky uniform long gone, displaying his strong and masculine muscles, looking as though drawn beautifully on his skin without a mistake like a work of marbled art.  
You catch your breath, knowing full well about the moment you and he had shared-  
The sob that rakes over his trembling body is what brings you out of sleep completely.

You frown at the young man, wondering what could be causing such a beautiful creature such pain, such sorrow  
. Kakashi deserved to be loved, cherished, and not broken down like this, barely alive. He looks ill, like he hasn't slept and eaten in years-  
"Kakashi," You call out, small and timid, not sure if it's the right thing to do, reach out, show your emotions to somebody who seems to always carry his heart locked inside a iron chest. But now, with Kakashi trembling and shaking, you can't find yourself doing anything ells but reaching out, your hands moving on their own, as you slowly encircle your grip onto his cold shoulder, the left one, where the tattoo rests like a scar of the past. He goes a little tense, but he doesn't open his eyes, which makes you a little grateful, but even if the Copy Ninja had seen you, you don't care, this isn't about you right now, you bring Kakashi closer, until he's right above you, leaning down to your level, as the tears from his left eye slowly fall down, onto your naked chest, emitting a shiver to run down your back.  
"Kakashi, it's okay," You begin, bringing your hand to wrap around his pale and slender neck, making the young man move a little closer to you, until he's pressed against your named form, his body seeming to fit perfectly with yours, and he buries his head into the crook of your neck, sniffing violently, as you just hold onto his trembling form tighter, gritting your teeth. "I'm here now, Kakashi everything is going to be alright..."  
"But...B/F.." "Got dumped," You finish, feeling the male freeze in your grip. "By me, Kakashi, I wasn't really happy with that idiot...because..." You stay silent, biting your lip. “Because I’ve been in love with you, for years, and I know you feel the same-“

“But your mother-“

“Kakashi,” You begin in a warning, “I already told you, that was an accident, and you have to let go,” She looks down at the male, love pouring into her words, “Please, Kakashi, it's time to let go...for me.”

Kakashi blinks, the tears trailing down his cheeks.

_Flashes of screams, fires, and a pleading mother-_

Kakashi shuts his eyes, and after a while, takes a deep breathe, and lets go, re-opening his eyes and gazing into hers.

“…Alright…”

As the clock on the wall tick and tocks away into the silent night, the sobbing emitting from the mans chest seems to lighten and slowly fade away, until Kakashi begins to fall into a much needed slumber, his own hands holding your body impossibly closer, tighter to his chest, murmuring words in his sleep riddled voice, and you hear a low murmur, "I’m sure your mother would be proud of you, I mean, isn’t today?…”

He doesn’t say anything, waiting.

You begin to understand this, his behavior, as the day on the calendar in the kitchen reaches your eyes, and you smile softly, nodding without a second thought. "I’m sure she’d be damn happy to know I’ve chosen the exact person who saved me, all those years ago...and Kakashi?" You whisper out softly, watching with small amusement as the silver haired man moves a little, until he's looking up at you with mismatched orbs, so deep like an ocean of emotions, making you loose your words for a moment, but once you speak, it's clear and smooth, leaving your lips effortlessly, as a wide smile seeps onto your face.  
The clock chimes Twelve, and you breathe out a small, "The reason I came to the bar, the actual reason...was to say..." You lean down, so close to the males lips, your breath mingling with his. "Happy Birthday, Kakashi Hatake~" Then, as a last present, you lift your head up, and kiss him, softly.

/ Kakashi never had any nightmares from that night on. /

 

~End~

**Author's Note:**

> This story was inside my documents for a couple months now! I had to search the mercy waters of unsaved drafts and mixed up dialogue to find this beauty!
> 
> I hope you enjoyed this, I loved writing this story and maybe I'll do a prequel~


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